


Fanboy

by Pantless



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Never Met, Fluff and Angst, M/M, indications of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2014-10-27
Packaged: 2018-02-22 21:51:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2523011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pantless/pseuds/Pantless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan could only be happy when he watched Amazingphil's videos.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fanboy

[Before you read this you should look at the beautiful art that moreorlester did](http://moreorlester.tumblr.com/post/101108695081/done-for-soffpops-fic-for-the-phandom-big-bang) (seriously it's amazing!)

 

Dan woke up in total darkness. He looked around the room but it looked slightly odd since he forgot to turn on his night lamp last night before he went to sleep; normally it would light up the room a little bit. The bed creaked and protested when Dan sat up to check his phone. This was going to be a bad day, particularly because it was four o’clock in the afternoon and he had just woken up. Slowly he dragged himself out of bed and to the window. He leaned his forehead against the cold glass surface and looked down onto the badly lit street. A few minutes later he turned away from the window looking out over the room. After scanning the floor he stumbled to the other side, picking up his pair of grey sweatpants and yesterdays black t-shirt on the way. He couldn’t help but glance in the mirror when he was dressed, curly “hobbit hair”, dull brown eyes and chapped lips. He looked like a wreck. His parents told him a week ago that they needed to attend a conference in Germany for some reason that Dan didn’t listen to. At the time he had been  a bit sad - being all alone for two weeks didn’t seem tempting at all. Now he quietly thanked God for that conference trip. It meant that he didn’t have to worry about looking better than if he had just rolled out from a ditch at the side of a motorway.

 

He decided that this day could only get better with one thing, breakfast. Getting a little too excited, Dan rushed down the stairs in such a hurry that he fell at the last few steps, landing on the floor face first. He began to stand up but stopped in his movement when he noticed blood on the carpet. Shit. Holding his nose to prevent any more blood dripping onto the carpet, he ran to the bathroom. He knew that the only way to really get rid of a nosebleed was to put paper in your nose so that you look like a snail. Looking like a snail, Dan decided to go out to the kitchen to make a proper English breakfast. He looked in the fridge but couldn’t find any sausages or bacon or even eggs. Dan cursed at himself for not doing the shopping his parents told him to do. With a deep sigh he slammed the fridge door closed. The dark brown cupboards didn't even contain his favorite cereal.

 

Settling for all bran, he made his way to the living room carefully looking at his feet, afraid of falling again. His clumsy feet were not to be trusted. He almost threw himself onto the couch, knocking over an empty glass on the coffee table. Ignoring the glass, he reached for the remote, switching on the TV. Dan’s mood brightened when he realised that it was an old episode of Midsummer Murders. He’d seen it a million times but that didn't matter. He leaned back trying to get comfortable. Not even two minutes passed before his phone rang in the other room.

 

"No! Nonononono! Why can't I have one single moment of happiness in my life?"

 

The phone continued to ring and Dan knew that he couldn't ignore it. He got up from the couch with much more effort than what should've been needed. He really need to exercise. When he picked up the phone he heard a familiar voice.

 

"Hi Dan!" Dave shouted.

 

"Hey, Dave relax! You almost ruined my ear!" Dan touched his ear to see if it was still there.

 

"Sorry man."

 

"It's alright," he muttered.

 

"Anyways, you know Jessica right?" Dave asked.

 

"Um... I guess?"

 

Dan and Jessica did a project in science a month ago. They didn't really talk about anything else though. He had no idea why Dave thought they were friends.

 

"Awesome!" Dave shouted again.

 

"Can you stop doing that? And why are you asking?"

 

“Well, she wrote on Facebook that if you were her friend you should come to her house tonight and I remembered that you're her friend so if you go then I can go!”

 

“What? No, Dave! I’m not her friend, we just worked together in school.”

 

“For two months Dan! If you talk to someone several times a week for two months, you’re friends!”

 

“We only talked about school stuff. Why do you want to go anyways?”

 

“It would be fun! All you ever do is stay at home doing nothing all day, It’s the last summer before university or work or whatever, live a little!”

 

“I’m living! Just not the way you're living. I like to be home alone.”

 

“That’s exactly what your problem is! You just don’t care about your social life!” Dave’s smile turned into a frown instantly.

 

“I do! I have friends, you’re my friend.” Dan exclaimed.

 

“Yes, but I’m your only friend.” Dave sighed, shaking his head a little.

 

“…I just don’t want to go.” He tapped his foot nervously.

 

“Not even for me?” He raised his eyebrow sceptically.

 

“I’m sorry. I should go now.” Dan said i

 

“Yeah”, he said grumpily. “bye.”

 

“Bye.”

 

Dan hung up feeling worse than when he picked up. ‘Ugh Dan, why are you such an idiot? You always let your friend down.’ Dan dragged himself back to his room. e repeatedly slapped the wall in the general area of the switch, but when he found it there was no difference whatsoever. The room was still pitch black. The bulb must have blown.

 

Manoeuvring amongst the used clothes on the floor, trying not to fall was harder than he’d imagined. When he reached his desk after almost falling twice, stubbing his toe on his bed once and a lot of swearing, he opened up his laptop. For a minute he just stared at his standard Apple background, wondering what to do. He ended up checking his mail - nothing new. His Facebook was equally boring, if not even worse. He saw the status Dave was talking about. How absurd to think that she would want to be friends with Dan. There was never much to do on the computer - the TV was much more interesting in Dan’s opinion. The computer was always in the way when he was doing homework or doodling - sometimes he just put it in a drawer and forgot about it for weeks. It was often Dave who made him get it out again, showing him a funny video on YouTube, chatting on Skype or just forcing him to go on Facebook because he ‘needed a social life’. Dan snorted. When he closed the laptop he glanced at the standard clock on the wall, 6:14 PM. He thought about heading down again to make dinner but decided against it. Instead he crawled onto the bed and took a much needed nap.

 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

Dan was woken up by a massive roar from his stomach. Maybe dinner would’ve been a good idea after all. He looked at the clock to see that it was 10:02 PM. Definitely not too late for dinner. He rolled out of the bed and headed downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs he noticed the blood spots from earlier.

 

“SHIT!” he yelled.

 

He ran to the kitchen to grab some sort of towel or piece of cloth or something. After a few moments of intense searching he found what looked like a kitchen cloth . He soaked it in water and soap, ande walked back much more calmly, realising that there was no hurry since he’d already left the stains for ages. Once he started rubbing on one of the blood stains he also realised that it wouldn’t work very well. His parents would not be happy that Dan had ruined the expensive carpet. After twenty minutes of scrubbing, the carpet was a bloody soapy mess. It would’ve been better if he’d just left it alone.

 

Another roar from Dan’s stomach reminded him that he needed to eat. Leaving the bloody carpet behind him he went in to the kitchen and headed straight to the fridge. Almost empty, the only things inside were jam, lettuce and some odd-looking salad dressing. Dan honestly didn’t know why he had bothered looking, it wasn’t like the contents of the fridge would have changed whilst he was asleep. He went over to the cupboards to look for something, anything to eat. On the highest shelf there was a box of crumpets. There was only one left. Dan put his crumpet in the toaster and waited the two minutes that it took for it to be finished before running into the living room with the way too hot crumpet in his hands. Dan’s hands couldn’t take the heat any more when he reached the coffee table so he threw it in the general direction of where he wanted it to land. Unfortunately his aiming skills were really bad and the crumpet landed in the bowl of cereal from earlier.

 

Dan slapped his palm to his face, maybe a little too hard but it fit the situation. More than slightly annoyed, Dan inspected the mess more closely. The milk was everywhere, even a few soggy pieces of cereal had escaped the bowl and landed on the coffee table and on the sofa.

 

“Crap!” he yelled.

 

He ran to the kitchen and got some kitchen roll to mop up the milk from the table and couch. It kind of worked. The sofa looked okay but probably smelled a little if you put your nose to it. Dan made his way back into the kitchen again, searching once more for something to eat. In the bread tin there were two pieces of bread left - they were a bit stale but they would taste fine with the jam. The cabinet above the stove contained half a chocolate bar that he happily brought with him as well. Very carefully he sat down on the couch, avoiding the milk stains. He pushed away the bowl of soggy cereal and the crumpet and started assembling his jam sandwich. He didn’t He didn't make too much mess so he just sat back and watched whatever was on TV, not really paying attention.

 

A knock on the door interrupted an old episode of Glee; Dan was honestly quite happy about that. Behind the door was Dave.

 

“Dave?!” Dan exclaimed. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Well since you’re not going out I thought I’d come by and drag you over to Jessica’s.”

 

“What, no Dave!”

 

“Yes, because you never want to hang out with your friends anymore, what are you even doing at home everyday? Do you have a secret girlfriend that we don’t know about? New friends that we don’t know about?”

 

Dan could only stare at Dave with his mouth open.

 

“Can I come in or what?” Dave muttered and pushed past Dan. Dave lazily sat down on the couch but stood up again in seconds.

 

“Eww! What has happened to the couch?!” Dave Shrieked.

 

“Um… I had a milk accident…” Dan admitted.

 

“Milk? Do  you honestly think that I believe that? It smells horrible, I’ve never smelt that before! You must have taken a shit on it or something!” Dave complained. “Can we go to your room or something?”

 

“You’re exaggerating, It doesn’t smell that bad, it’s just milk.”

 

“You have a room that’s yours, so unless you’re hiding someone up there I’m going to go up.”

 

Dave climbed the stairs and headed directly for Dan’s room. Dan followed him up.

 

“See, I’m not hiding anyone!” Dan joked.

 

“Yes I can see that.” Dave sounded way too serious to be him - Dan had never seen him like this before. “If you’re going to sit inside all day, let me at least show you funny YouTube videos.”

 

Dave opened Dan’s computer and Dan watched over his shoulder as he typed into YouTube. The video that popped up was some guy doing impressions. It was quite funny but he didn’t understand why Dave would come to his house in the middle of the night just to show him this.

 

“Dave! Why are you here?”

 

“To show you this video and convince you to go to Jessica’s with me,” Dave said in a monotone voice without looking away from the screen.

 

“I mean why did you really come here?”

 

Dave spun around and stared Dan in the eyes. His eyes were brown with little yellow spots in them. “Dan Howell I’m not lying to you. You might be a liar, but don't think for one second that I am.”

 

And with that he left, leaving Dan frozen where he stood. Dan’s gut tied itself in knots and Dan could do nothing to stop it. When he finally gained the ability to move again, he went over to his computer to re-watch the video Dave had showed him. Just as the video started he saw a sort of familiar face in the suggestions. Dan clicked on it. He didn’t know it then but this was the moment which would completely turn his life around.

\- - - - - - - -

Dan looked at the clock on his laptop: 6:39am. He’d been watching videos from one single person for the last six and a half hours. He couldn’t stop watching - he’d seen a few twice now but that didn’t matter as they were still amazing, just like the person in front of the lens, AmazingPhil. For the first time in his life Dan felt like he had found the closest thing to a soulmate that there was. He could’ve sworn that the world got brighter, and it wasn’t just the sun shining through his window. When he watched Phil talking to his camera, Dan didn’t think about how lonely he was, how pathetic his life was or how no one wanted him - how could he? He only thought about Phil, AmazingPhil.

 

The knot that had once been his gut was now completely dissolved. He glanced at the mirror - a smile danced on his lips and his usually dull eyes were now full of life. He should’ve called Dave and got him to actually sit down and listen to him, but he couldn’t bring himself to even tear his eyes from the screen. Dan was mesmerised by the videos; somehow they gave him comfort. He went to sleep that morning not only wrapped in a duvet but also wrapped in a blanket of warmth on the inside. Maybe his life wasn’t that bad after all.

\- - - - - - -

Dan looked at Phil across the studio. This was their first radio show at BBC Radio 1 and he couldn’t help but be nervous. A reassuring smile from Phil calmed him a little. The show started and Phil began to talk. Dan couldn’t even get a word out. The only thing he could think about was how lucky he was to have Phil as his best friend and that they had a show on Radio 1 and successful YouTube channels. If he opened his mouth to speak the only thing that would come out would be a (ramble/blabber?) of how happy and thankful he was, so he kept quiet and looked at Phil with a dumb smile plastered to his face. When the first music video started Phil went over to Dan.

 

“Dan, why didn’t you say anything?”

 

“I’m just so happy that we’re friends and that we’ve come this far.” Dan looked at his feet.

 

Phil smiled and pulled Dan in for a hug. “We really have come far haven’t we?” he mumbled.

 

“Yeah.” Dan’s voice was a bit muffled by Phil’s chest. Unfortunately the hug didn’t last that long since they had to continue with the radio show.  

 

After the radio show Dan and Phil made their way home to their London flat. Until today Dan hadn’t thought about how lucky he was but now Dan couldn’t think of anything else. Especially when he looked at Phil with his gorgeous black hair and the bluest eyes. Phil, his best friend, didn’t even know that Dan existed a few months ago. His life was almost too good to be true.

\- - - - - - - -  

When Dan woke up, his stomach dropped. He was in his room, not in London. It was light, not dark. Worst of all, he was alone, not with Phil. Dan turned over in his bed and pulled the covers up above his head.

 

“It was all just a dream” he whispered to himself. He could feel the tears burning behind his eyelids. Phil still didn’t know he existed and Dan still didn’t have a best friend. He curled up into a ball under the duvet. He didn’t know how long he wanted to stay there, maybe forever, maybe he could fall back asleep and continue dreaming of a life in London with Phil.

 

It was hard to breathe under the duvet now. Dan had no choice but to crawl out. He looked at the clock, and found that it was 2:37 PM. Not wanting to repeat yesterday’s food fail, Dan went to the kitchen to get some food. He looked in the fridge and remembered, salad dressing and lettuce, not the most nutritious food of all time but it would do. His only other option was to go to the store and risk meeting someone, like Dave or Jessica. The salad dressing was yellow with brown little dots in it, and he wasn’t sure if it was some kind of mustard or if it was expired. He hoped for the first one. With his freshly made salad Dan stayed in the kitchen to eat. He didn’t dare to go into the living room where all the dirty dishes and milk stains were. The first bite of the salad proved that it was in fact mustard. Dan was a bit surprised - usually everything that could go wrong always went wrong.

 

He finished his salad and put the bowl on the counter top, not really caring much and ran up to his computer. He knew that he could never have the life he just dreamt of but he couldn’t help but imagining a life with AmazingPhil in London. When he opened YouTube he saw that Phil had uploaded a new video. He clicked on it and was surprised to see another face as well.

 

“Hi, guys! Today I have a mystery guest with me, or maybe not that mysterious as you can see his face…” Phil poked the mystery guy’s face. “He’s here because we’re doing a special video, do you want to tell them what video we’re doing?”

 

“Hi, I’m Tom and we’re doing a best friend video!” the mystery guy replied. Dan shattered into a million pieces. His mouth went dry and he was sure that if you looked close enough you could see the life drain from his eyes. His dull brown eyes.

 

“We have questions to answer!” the mystery guy exclaimed.

 

“Question number one,” Phil read from a piece of paper. “How did we meet?”

 

Dan stopped listening. Seeing Phil with his best friend only reminded him they he didn’t have one, and how Phil never could be his best friend.

 

“Phil might be perfect for me,” Dan whispered, “but I could never be perfect for Phil.”

 

“We’re basically made for each other,” the mystery guy told the viewers.

 

Dan turned the video off - he couldn’t even watch it for a second longer. A strange feeling told him that it should be him, not that mystery guy. He didn’t know if it was jealousy or something else. He didn’t want to think about it but the thoughts creeped into his mind without permission. Phil was never going to be his best friend.

 

He needed fresh air. He rushed down the stairs and out the door, not bothering to take his jacket with him. The summer air was chillier than Dan had expected. He hadn’t been outside for at least a couple of weeks. The fresh air didn’t erase the thoughts. He needed a distraction. He looked up at the grey sky, threatening rain. Dan looked down at his feet as he started to walk. The chilly air made him shiver but he couldn’t go back and get a jacket because then he would just go back to his room and not go outside for several weeks.

 

In the park, the ground was covered in little yellow flowers and the trees matched proudly. The only thing missing was the sun. If only Dan's dream had been real, the sunshine in him could have lit up the whole park. The only sound audible was the sound of his shoes against the gravel path. Apart from him, the park was completely empty. He decided to sit under a tree as the people in movies do when they’re thinking. He figured it might help. He knew that wallowing in self pity would never get him anywhere but he couldn’t stop the tidal wave of emotion drenching every last corner of his mind. Clawing away at his mind was the knowledge that despite never being able to meet Phil, he was still the closest thing to a best friend Dan had. He wouldn’t give that up easily.

 

As a faint smile formed on Dan’s lips he heard a buzzing noise. Curious, he turned around to investigate. He shouldn’t have been surprised to see a beehive a few feet above his head. He sat perfectly still for a few minutes in shock before he carefully stood up. He attempted to take a slow step away from the tree but his foot got stuck in a root and he fell, knocking the beehive with him in the fall. He would’ve been alright if the fall was his only problem but he was surrounded by angry bees. They had every right to be angry though - he had just destroyed their house with his clumsiness. He was only able to stutter out a strangled scream as he took off running. The bees were everywhere. Dan’s breath soon ran out as he never exercised. He would never have thought that his first run this year would be because of bees.

 

When a pond became visible he saw no other way of getting rid of the little monsters. He jumped in, or rather fell in. The water was colder than he had expected. He regretted his decision almost immediately when the water hit his face. It was such a terrible decision that not even the bees were fooled. They kept attacking any part of Dan visible above the surface. Something wet landed on Dan’s nose and he looked up to the sky. Thousands of tiny little raindrops fell to the ground. For the first time ever Dan was happy to see the rain. The bees however were not and fled.  He crawled out of the pond and spent a minute just lying in the grass. As he was already drenched, the rain didn’t bother him all that much. The cold did though and he had to get up and walk home. The walk was freezing. All he could think about was curling up with a cup of tea, rewatching all of Phil’s videos. The thought of sitting inside in the warmth made the walk a lot worse. His clothes were dripping with water although you couldn’t see it because of the rain. The rain got heavier and heavier until the outside world was basically a shower. When Dan finally reached his door his teeth were chattering and he fumbled with the key for what seemed like an eternity. He got in and climbed the stairs as quick as possible. He couldn’t wait a second longer than necessary to get out of his wet clothes and start watching his favourite youtuber.

 

As soon as Dan opened his computer he went to AmazingPhil’s channel. He knew it was stupid of him to hope that there would be a new video but he couldn’t help it, and there it was. A brand new video. Dan clicked on the icon excitedly. He could barely keep himself from jumping up and down on the chair. When Phil started talking the whole world disappeared. All the previous sadness that weighed down his chest was gone, leaving only the warm fuzzy feeling that made him smile and his heart flip.

 

(“Hi guys! You’re probably wondering why I’m uploading two videos in one day. I felt like spoiling you a little. The reason for this video is that I’ve moved to Manchester! And since I had to leave all of my friends and family behind I thought we could have a little gathering tomorrow at Fletcher Moss Park, in the Parsonage Gardens at 11am. Please come and say hi as I don’t want to  be standing alone in a park all day. That would look weird… That was all I wanted to tell you guys. See you there!”)

 

Dans first thought was that he had to go. He didn’t care that he lived in Wokingham and that itwould take several hours just for the train journey. He didn’t care that it would be extremely expensive. He didn’t care that his parents could come home early to an empty house. In his mind there was only one thing: he could meet Phil. It was probably the only chance he would ever get - he couldn’t let this slip away. He couldn’t let his only opportunity of meeting his idol and soulmate fall though his fingers like sand.

 

Booking a ticket to Manchester was easier than he expected. His train was due to leave at 8 am so he needed some sleep. He thought to himself that ‘tomorrow will be the best day of my life.’ For once he chose to fall asleep instead of just drifting off without knowing it.

 

\- - - - - -

  
  


He woke early the next morning. The sun was shining and promised a warm day. He knew not to make any breakfast if he wanted to avoid disaster so he just got dressed, packed a reasonably sized bag and left.

 

The train was so noisy that he couldn’t even listen to music. Instead he ate a sandwich that he had bought at the station and looked out the window at all the red brick houses that were flying by. The train was almost empty. It made Dan slightly unsettled knowing that even people who weren’t aware of his existence avoided him. Would Phil find him annoying and want him gone? The lump in Dan’s throat reappeared. With tears threatening to well out of his eyes, Dan rested his forehead on the window, the sunshine a complete contrast to his mood. He closed his eyes and imagined meeting Phil. His bright blue eyes looking at him and his lips curving into a smile when they met. They would then go to to Starbucks and stay there for as long as possible and just talk.

 

He snapped out of his daydream when the train arrived at the station. Time had just flown by. He was just about to set foot on the platform when he instead fell down, landing on his back. He quickly stumbled back to his feet and brushed off his jeans. His eyes scanned the station platform. It was cold but he had a coat on, which was an improvement on yesterday. He looked at the map outside the station and concluded that the walk couldn’t be that long. He could just take a bus or something but he probably needed the walk. The people around him looked important and had frowns on their faces. Dan decided to smile. Who knew that a spontaneous trip to Manchester to meet his favourite person in the world could make Dan so happy? Another train stopped at the station and he remembered that he should get going if he wanted to be there in time.

 

The brisk air was refreshing. He walked quickly past shops and houses. The air was warmer than at the train platform. His coat was almost unnecessary. The wind messed with his hair and ruined it completely. Dan desperately tried to save it but to no avail. Eventually he gave up. The wind couldn’t mess up the best day of his life.  

 

When the park came into view, Dan immediately saw a big group of people. He assumed that they were there to meet Phil. His heart sank a little as he realised that there were so many. He would only be able to say “hi” and ask for a picture or an autograph. He realised he had been a bit stupid thinking that they would be able to talk. In the middle of what seemed like a hundred people stood Phil, obviously very intimidated by the amount of people and a fake smile on his lips. Despite the smile he was still the most beautiful human alive. Dan walked up to the group. Even though he was tall he had to stand on tip toe to see Phil, who was trying to answer to as many of the questions being thrown at him as he could. Dan felt sorry for him - this was probably not how he had imagined the meetup. If he was ever going to talk to Phil, there was only one thing he could do: wait.

 

Dan spent the next couple of hours sitting on the grass, talking to three other fans and letting his eyes drink in every last detail of Phil. The crowd had finally cleared out. Only five people were left in the park. Phil stood alone for the first time since he got there. Dan carefully walked up to him. It was dark out but the street lights lit up their faces.

 

“Hi,” Dan said shyly.

 

“Hey,” Phil yawned. “What’s your name?”

 

“Dan,” Dan managed to say.

 

“Have we met before?”

 

“Uuh, no?” Dan stammered.

 

“Oh, sorry. You just look so familiar. I saw you when you entered the park and I’ve been wanting to talk to you ever since.” They both blushed.

 

“We could go to Starbucks?” The look of doubt on Phil’s face made him quickly add, “I know that it’s a weird question but it’s freezing out here.”

 

“It is really cold,” Phil chuckled, “but I have to go home.”

 

“Alright, tomorrow then?” Dan asked.

 

“I’m not sure that I can”

 

“Oh, okay.” Dan looked at the ground. “I’ll still be there though. If you change your mind.”

 

“Okay… Goodbye, Dan.”

 

“Goodbye...”

 

Dan couldn’t help but smile even though a knot had formed in his stomach. He was never good with goodbyes. Without thinking too much about it Dan checked into the nearest hotel. Screw the ticket home. Screw eating for that matter - he had no money left. He was going to see Phil tomorrow, and that was what mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> Seems like it doesn't matter how hard I try. I can never write truly happy endings :/


End file.
